Internet Outage

Man, not doing so well with the thrice-weekly updates, am I? This time, I have an excuse. (A better one than the time I was taken for questioning by friendly, efficient Doombots!)

Local ISPs went down a few days ago when Latveria experienced a sudden surge in the Squirrel population; seems the little monsters got to chewing on some important wires which resulted in the entire telecommunications grid going offline. Given that radio, television, and telephone all went down at the same time, it seems that this may have been a coordinated assault on glorious Latveria by the evil rodents. Well, that didn't go over well with our beloved monarch, Doctor Doom, needless to say. To say our leader has some dislike of the rodents is a bit of an understatement. It's perfectly natural when you consider his victorious tactical retreat from combat so many years ago while in combat with Iron Man and Squirrel Girl.

Naturally, with only the desire to do right by the people of glorious Latveria, Doctor Doom single-handedly ended the squirrel menace of the past few weeks. And, in order to keep the population of sinister squirrels to a minimum (ie. zero), he has also instituted entirely well-conceived and fully-thought-out squirrel bounties. I, for one, am thrilled to live in a country where ordinary citizens are encouraged to fire wilfully at tiny, fast-moving rodents regardless if they are in densely-populated urban areas. I can see no possible downside to this course of action.

Happy To Be of Service

Sorry there was no update so far this week-- you know how it is. You're on your merry way to work at the munitions factory when BAM! a friendly RDS shows up to take you to a secret, underground bunker for interrogation. Of course, I was happy to go with the Doombots. There's just something about a squad of killer robots that makes you feel like helping out!

I was questioned for a couple days about my blog, here. Seems like our beloved monarch, Doctor Doom has some concerns about this sort of thing, and who can blame him? For all he knows, I could be sending secret messages to someone through this blog. I was asked a lot of times if I knew anyone abroad, maybe in the united states, possibly by the name of Reed Richards.

You don't grow up in Doomstadt without knowing about Reed Richards, of course. Man, that guy is a douche! All he ever seems to do is come here with his weird family and mess up property values. Hello! Latveria to Reed Richards: just stay home or something. Get a hobby, man! How about messing up someone else's back yard, like the Negative Zone maybe?

Anyhoo... long story short: I'm back at work now and the RDS was kind enough to leave my arms in functional condition. How many Americans can boast that their mechanized militia force is that considerate, huh?

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

There's nothing like the crisp, invigorating smell of a Latverian morning. Ah, the cool scent of the mountain air as it whistles down Mount Doom, across Doom Lake, and into Doomstadt, bringing with it the delicate fragrance of the blossoming Doomflowers. The dazzling brilliance of the rising sun as it crests the mountains and shines on the 301-ft. statue of Doctor Doom (take that, Kim Jong Il!) casting his magnificent shadow across my lawn. All our lawns, actually-- it's a really big statue!

I can't wait to get to work this morning. I get to work 17 hours a day at a munitions factory. Sure, I could let myself be upset by the fact that I earn a fraction of what American munitions factory workers must earn, but at least I get the satisfaction of knowing that, at the end of the day, if I've done my job well, I won't be drafted for RDS targeting-calibration testing!

How many Americans have that kind of job satisfaction, huh?